So I am offically home from Tennessee. It was a very emotional experience for me. For those of you who don't know I am currently shooting a video with a company called Wadel and Associates. The video is going to be a short documentary telling my story. My story is simple yet complex. To be honest I really didn't realize how raw this would be for me. I am the sort of person who wants everyone around me to think I have it all together, all the time. When actually I really don't. Just like everyone else I have good days and bad days. I am learning more every day about myself. This whole experience so far has definitely got me doing some soul searching. I have never had to deal with my disease like this before. It has never been in my face so much to the point I can't ignore it. To be honest, this has and is going to be a very uncomfortable for me. Not only am I answering questions about my biggest fears I am also letting a camera into my home to film me at my most vulnerable, while strapped down to a vest, shaking and coughing, and just the parts of my disease that until now have remained private. It is time to be real though and I believe God is going to provide healing for my spirit through this.
Tuesday we did the interview. It was so real, so raw, and so unbelievably emotional for me. I left the studio feeling cut open for the world to see. Wednesday we did some shots of me in downtown Chattanooga. That part was really easy, other than the standing still for 10 to 15 minutes so the shot could be got. I will be making several more trips to Chattanooga before this is over. Most of my life over the next month will be caught on camera. I suppose I thought this would be easy since I am a writer. I never realized how much I actually hide behind my words though. How often I don't really say how I feel, but rather how I think others want me to feel or want me to be. They need me to be strong, almost like I am a super hero....but I'm not. I am just a girl who wants to live a normal life. My hope is that, what does come across in this video is God is all over my life! I do want to bring awareness to my disease and help raise money however, I would much rather someone watch the video and give their fight to God rather than go to the website and make a donation. I am intensely praying over this project and I really feel as if God has a hand in it. He is going to use my story, and that makes me happy. =)
As for Wadel and Associates, I simply cannot say enough about these guys. They are close friends of ours and without them this would not be possible for me at all. I really believe God brings people together for a reason. He knew they could help me, and they are. They are so professional and compassionate. I don't think they realize what a healing process this is going to be for me. To finally rip off the band aid and treat the infection from the inside out. They are amazing, and my life is blessed ten times over just for having them in it. They normally shoot commercials so this is a change of pace for them as well. This project has been a dream of mine for a long time. I can remember being a little girl and doing "pretend" interviews with my cousins, some of which I still have on tape somewhere. I am sure they would be good for a laugh now! =)
Everyone keeps asking me once the project is done, what then. What will happen to the video, who will see it, what is the purpose. My answer is I really don't know yet. All I can say is God whispered this deep into my chest along time ago and it has been gnawing at me ever since. I have actually had sleepless nights over this for years. It was something I have put off simply because I was not ready to face my reality. I am nervous, I am excited and I am scared to death. The time has finally come for me to let go and follow. God is leading, so as far as what happens next, I have no idea. I am leaving it completely up to Him. But I do know for me, He has a plan and a purpose. So this is me, a child of a King, completely raw and torn open. God is my hope and all I can do now is that....simply hope. =)